"Entangled in the trance of unworthiness, we grow accustomed to caging ourselves in with self-judgment and anxiety, with restlessness and dissatisfaction." — Tara Brach
I just need to lose these last 10 lbs... I just need to get rid of this muffin top... I just need to fit into my old jeans again.... AND THEN...I'll be happy. I've heard the above (or similar) statements countless times. And I get it. As women we are constantly being sold the idea that thinness equals happiness and that if you could just reach your weight loss goals, then you would finally be able to live in peace. But, is that really true? How do you know? Are ALL thin people happy? Of course not. Are ALL heavy people miserable? Also, obviously no. If you were thinner at some point in your past, were you also completely without worries, self-doubt and pain during that time in your life? I highly doubt it. So then, is weight loss really a reliable solution to feelings of stress, low confidence and sadness? Will losing weight really make you happier? Well...it depends. 🚫 Is your weight physically limiting you from engaging with life to the fullest? OR 🧠 Is the way you THINK about your weight limiting you from engaging with life to the fullest? If you can't participate in activities you love because you are PHYSICALLY restricted or if you are in PHYSICAL pain, due in part or primarily to your weight... Then losing weight will probably make you happier. BUT if the reason you aren't living your best life has nothing to do with what you body can DO but rather about what your body LOOKS LIKE... Then losing weight might not bring you any more happiness AND the pursuit of weight loss may actually further contribute to stress and feelings of negative emotions. If your motivation for weight loss comes from wanting to have a body that is socially acceptable "enough" so that you can JUST BE without constantly worrying about what other people are thinking about your body, 👉 Then you need to ask yourself the question of "what is ENOUGH?" When faced with this question, I am reminded of something a Buddhist teacher at my meditation center in NYC once said about sources of happiness. He said that if something was truly a source of happiness, then the more of it you had, the happier you would become. And if we use this test on the things we think will make us happy, we can quickly identify that they usually aren't really sources of true happiness. Because the things we reach for most often are temporary sources of happiness... Food Netflix Sex Shopping All good to a point...but too much and you end up feeling worse not better.
Intentional weight loss is no different.
It can make you feel happier...to a point. But that feeling of joy from hitting your goal fades rather quickly. So then what happens? You move the goal post. If losing 10 lbs isn't the thing that makes you happy anymore. Then it must be "getting visible abs". And once you get the abs, then it becomes "getting a bigger butt". Once you get the bigger butt...you see where I'm going here. So, how much is enough? Because this conditional relationship most struggling dieters have with their bodies of "when my body looks like X, then I'll be happy",
Is THE thing that keeps them from ever truly being happy and at peace with their bodies.
So then, what IS that real source of happiness? The thing that the more of it we have, the happier we become...?
👉 Unconditional self-acceptance.
Which, in short, is understanding that your worth is separate from your actions or your qualities (like how your body looks) and knowing that you don't have to "fix" anything in yourself in order to accept and love yourself right now. And the MORE you accept and love yourself, the happier you will be, regardless of what size body you are living in. Source of happiness test: Pass ✅ So, is weight loss going to be the thing that makes you happier? OR, is learning to love and accept yourself the real source of happiness you need to pursue?
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