“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ― Louise Hay
The other day a client was telling me how she recently saw an old friend. They hadn’t seen each other for over ten years, so they had a lot to talk about.
Despite having so much to catch up on, her friend spent a large portion of their time together talking down about herself.
“My skin looks terrible.”
"I’m so out of shape."
“I look so old.”
Finally my client had enough and said “Stop it! There is already so much criticism coming at us daily from other people. Why add to it by saying negative things about yourself?”
And I have to say, I completely agree.
The topic of self care is quite popular right now - meditation is mainstream, football players do yoga and GOOP has it's own Netflix series.
And while I'm happy that these health trends are gaining popularity (I'm not so thrilled about the GOOP series though), I wish more attention was given to the mindset that drives these health behaviors.
Because you can practice self care without practicing self love.
The two are not synonymous.
You can exercise while fixating on how “flabby” your arms look in the mirror.
You can prepare yourself a healthy dinner while wishing you could “just stop eating like a pig” the rest of the week.
You can meditate while mentally scolding yourself for not being able to stop thinking.
Self care behaviors can come from a place of disgust and criticism OR from the belief in your worthiness and appreciation for yourself.
Fear and love are both powerful motivators.
Which one do you think will win out in the long run?
You can hate yourself and want to change OR you can love yourself and want to change.
The desire to change does not need to reflect feelings of self loathing or inadequacy, instead it can come from a place of compassion and confidence.
How can you be kind to yourself AND hold yourself accountable at the same time?
How can you forgive yourself AND want to do better at the same time?
How can you accept yourself as you are AND work towards change at the same time?
Below are a series of mantras to help grow self love and compassion.
This Valentine's Day I challenge you to choose the one that resonates most and take five minutes to recite it first thing in the morning.
If you want to go the extra mile, sit or stand in front of a mirror and recite the mantra while holding eye contact with yourself.
Pay attention to critical thoughts that arise and try to meet them with a little tenderness.
"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection." - Buddha
Happy Valentine's Day! ❤
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