“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” ― Henry Ford
"I don't want to feel tired."
"I don't want to feel stressed out."
"I don't want my body to feel achy."
"I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my clothes."
"I don't want to disappoint my _____."
"I don't want to be like my _____."
"I don't want to look stupid in front of my _____."
Much of what motivates our behaviors is the desire to move AWAY from something ― like an undesirable feeling, physical appearance or personality trait.
These kinds of motivations, the ones to NOT feel or be something, can be useful to get us get started with making changes in our lives.
Anger, irritation, fear, or frustration with your current situation can provide the initial kick in the pants you need to take action.
But, in the long term, they almost universally lead to anxiety, inconsistency in action, and eventually failure.
Why?
For starters, putting all of your energy into AVOIDING something is pretty stressful.
If you are only thinking about moving away from unpleasant stuff, YOU HAVE TO KEEP THINKING ABOUT THAT UNPLEASANT STUFF in order to keep yourself motivated.
So, not only does being driven purely by fear (of failure, of ridicule, of not living up to someone’s expectations) sound like a terrible way to live, it will also only get you so far.
Picture this: 💭 It's a summer afternoon. You're lounging in the park, sipping on some rosé and flipping through a trashy magazine.
You have a ton on your to-do list, but you just aren't feeling very motivated. You're comfortable and the rosé is really hitting the spot. Suddenly, you feel something move across your foot. You look down and see a GIANT RAT helping himself to the snacks in your bag.
What are you going to do? Get away from it of course!
But where to? It doesn't matter.
Any direction will do, as long as you get away from the dirty, gross rat.
But ‘away’ is not a direction.
And this is the problem with ‘away from’ motivation ― it’s undirected.
Once you get far enough away from the 'giant rat', you can't see (or feel) it anymore.
And once you can't see (or feel) it,
What happens to your motivation to move?
It’s gone.
If 'away from’ motivation is all you have, it runs out once you get far enough away from the thing you want to get away from.
You'll go sprinting with your blanket and your magazine (also being careful not to spill your rosé!) until you get to the other end of the park.
Then, once the coast is clear and the rat is out of sight, you'll settle in and get comfortable again.
An exclusively ‘away from’ motivated person will stay in that park, lounging all day until the next 'giant rat' comes along and makes them want to move again.
And chances are they'll never actually leave the park (even though it clearly it has a serious rat problem 🙄) and instead they'll just keep setting up camp at different areas of the lawn.
This is why, when you focus solely on 'away from' motivation for weight loss you'll only get so far.
This is the mindset that gets you close to, but never fully reaching your goal.
The reason that you can "never lose those last 5-10lbs".
Because as you approach your target weight, what you see in the mirror doesn’t look so bad (it's like a cute little hamster rather than a giant rat 🤷🏼♀️) and so your motivation to keep moving fizzles out before you hit your goal.
So what are you supposed to do?
I mean, we all want to avoid giant rats, right?
And I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
But I think it's safe to say that we all want a little more for ourselves than simply a rat-free life.
This is where ‘towards’ motivation comes in.
👉 Where we get clear about what we WANT not just about what we DON'T WANT.
If you know where you want to go AND you really want to get there, then any time a 'giant rat' crosses your path you'll simply course correct.
Maybe it will just be a side step or sometimes you'll need to take a long detour.
But either way, you'll still have your target clear in your sights and you'll continue to move TOWARDS it (while also avoiding the rat).
‘Towards’ motivation is directional.
And, if you are really clear about what you're working towards, as you get closer to your goal your motivation to reach it will get stronger.
You’re almost there!
It’s nearly within your grasp!
Are you going to stop now?
Of course not!
‘Towards’ motivation is the proven mindset for taking consistent action towards your goals.
Don't believe me?
Google it. (This is a blog post, not a research article😜)
So, if you want to finally go all the way with your goals,
To stop getting almost there only to lose steam and stall out,
Then take some time to think about what you want to move towards rather than what you want to get away from.
Not sure exactly what you want?
Start by flipping the script on your 'away' goals.
Take all the things you DON'T WANT and rewrite them to reflect the opposite.
👉 "I don't want to feel tired" becomes "I want to feel energetic and vibrant". 👉 "I don't want to disappoint my kids" becomes "I want to be a positive role model". 👉 "I don't want to feel embarrassed in a bikini" becomes "I want to feel strong, sexy and confident in my body".
Use these "I want" statements to get clear about the goals you want to move towards.
And then, use them to paint a clear picture of what you want for yourself in the future.
Now, imagine a version of yourself in that future, where you've already reached your goals.
In this vision,
➡ How do you look? ➡ How do you feel? ➡ What are you able to do? ➡ How do you spend your time? ➡ What or who is around you?
Get so descriptive that it feels real.
See it.
Make it powerful.
And then KEEP IT CLOSE and revisit it often.
So that the next time a 'giant rat' crosses your path, you can easily move away from it while, at the same time, continuing to move TOWARDS your goals.
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