“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.” — Richard Bach
Yesterday, inside a Facebook group for health coaches that I'm a member of, there was a conversation about what label people prefer to use to define what they do.
There were a variety of responses.
➡ Health coach
➡ Wellness coach
➡ Change coach
➡ Life coach
➡ Perfection busting coach (...points for creativity on this one)
Now, you may be sitting there thinking..."what does it matter? It's just semantics."
But the reality is that language does matter, especially when it comes to defining the identities that we create for ourselves.
"I'm not athletic."
"I have bad knees."
"I'm stressed out."
"I'm not disciplined."
"I'm a sugar addict."
"I'm a pushover."
"I'm so busy."
"I'm a hot mess."
Do any of these phrases sound familiar to you?
Whether we are aware of it or not, using language like in the examples above strengthens the connection we have to our limitations.
It reinforces a version of ourselves that is broken.
A version of ourselves that CAN'T.
And reinforcing the connection with that version of ourselves directly impacts our actions (or inaction) and our self-belief.
👉 If you keep playing the narrative of "I'm a sugar addict" on repeat in your head, how successful do you think you'll be at turning down a second slice of cake at your niece's birthday party...?
👉 If you keep telling yourself "I'm not disciplined", how often do you think you'll hit the gym instead of "keep watching" on Netflix...?
👉 If you continue to call yourself a "hot mess", how confident do you think you'll be in your ability to accomplish ANY goal...?
👉 If you think you just "never have enough time", how much belief will you have in your ability to change that...?
The thing is that, most of the time, these "limitations" aren't actually immutable character traits, but we focus on them so much that we think they are a part of us that can't be changed.
We focus on them so much that they become our identity.
And we mistakenly believe that this identity is fixed.
We think "this is just who I am".
And with that comes the belief that "I can't change".
But...guess what? None of that is true.
That sugar addict, undisciplined, over-busy, hot mess of a woman...
She's just a made up character in a story you keep telling yourself.
And just like these identities were created by focusing on limitations, we can create NEW identities by focusing on our strengths, our potential for growth and on the person we want to become.
What does this look like in practice?
It's rewriting the repetitive messages we tell ourselves to reinforce our worthiness, our abilities and our capacity for change instead of our limitations. This could be via the use of positive affirmations and mantras.
It's aligning our behaviors with the identity of someone who already possesses the qualities we are trying to grow. This is what is at the root of the old adage "dress for the job you want, not the job you have".
So...take that broken record message that keeps playing in your mind.
The one that says you aren't good enough, you don't have enough and that you CAN'T ___.
Rewrite that narrative.
Tell yourself that you are ____, you have ____ and you can ____.
And then make a commitment to "behave as if" you already possess the qualities or the identity you are trying to grow.
Behave as if you are already that version of yourself.
👉 "I'm going to behave as if I were: confident, disciplined, a healthy eater, successful."
Build the connection with THAT version of yourself.
The version of yourself that is powerful, capable and strong.
The version of yourself that CAN and WILL.
Because whatever you focus on will increase until it becomes your identity.
Want some help with shifting your identity and building self-belief? Let's have a chat to see if my 1-on-1 coaching program could be a good fit for you.
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