“You have to act as if it were possible to radically transform the world. And you have to do it all the time.” ― Angela Davis
I have a distinct memory from about 10 years ago.
I was in Cleveland, Ohio, visiting my family for Christmas.
I was at the grocery store with the guy that I was dating at the time.
My Ex was Latino and had a darker complexion than most of the other people at the store.
At the check out, the cashier was very friendly, chatting away as she rang up our items.
But as she was talking, I stopped listening. I could feel the eyes on us, some more discreet than others, but the looks all signaled the same reaction.
Astonishment, fear, disapproval, disgust.
When we left the store, I expected my Ex to say something like "Did you see all those people staring?" or "What a bunch of Rednecks!"
But instead he said "Wow! That lady who rang us up was so nice."
I was shocked.
Did I just imagine it all? We were both in the same store, how could we have had such different experiences?
When I asked if he had noticed the people staring at us his response was, "Of course. That's nothing new."
Being seen as less than, as a threat, as an outsider. That was nothing new for him.
Being treated with kindness by a random stranger at the checkout was.
The nice interaction with the cashier - that was a normal part of my day, regardless of the city I was in.
But being looked at like I didn't belong, or that I wasn't welcome where I was, that was new for me.
This moment has remained in my memory because it was a real turning point for how I viewed the world and how I fit in it.
It wasn't because I wasn't previously aware of the privileges I had, it was because this time I saw those privileges played out in the most mundane way.
It magnified the reality of how differently I was able to go through my life as a white woman.
It shined a light on the fact that racism wasn't just the big stuff like being passed over for a promotion, or being denied an apartment, or being murdered simply because of your race.
It was the "little" things too. The things that when you're on the receiving end, stop being noticed because they're so commonplace.
They are the dripping water that hollows out the stone, not through force but through persistence.
And once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it.
I saw the person crossing the street when a group of young black men were walking in their direction.
I heard the outspoken black woman being referred to as "angry" when the white woman was "passionate".
I read the posts in my neighborhood Facebook group, written by gentrifiers who were upset about the old Dominican men hanging out on the sidewalk, playing dominos and listening to music.
Once you take off your blinders of privilege, the realities of racial bias and inequality can be found everywhere, everyday.
But are you paying enough attention to see them?
Over the weekend I went on a walk with a friend.
In addition to speaking about the current situation, she asked how I continue to come up with topics to write about each week.
I told her that when I started this blog I was worried that I'd run out of ideas, so I began keeping a list of possible topics in the notes on my phone.
The more I did it, the easier it got to generate new ideas.
The more I payed attention to what was happening around me, the more I was able to see almost anything as a topic worth writing about.
I told her it was like that Amazon coat that went viral in 2018.
Before I knew that it was "a thing", I never noticed a single person wearing it.
But once someone told me, "EVERYONE is buying this coat", I started seeing it everywhere, multiple times a day.
Even when I wasn't actively looking for the coat, I'd see people wearing it.
When we are in the habit of paying attention, it gets more and more challenging to NOT notice the "Amazon coat".
The act of paying attention is one of the most powerful tools we have for change.
Whether you're seeking change on the personal level - in your physical appearance, your eating habits, your love life - or on the societal level, it all starts with paying attention.
➡To the beliefs we hold as truths without question. ➡To the words we use with ourselves and with others. ➡To our actions, and to our inactions.
I know that I alone cannot change society, but I do know that I can work diligently to change myself.
I know that I can pay attention.
➡To the voices that have previously been silenced. ➡To the friend, coworker or neighbor who needs support right now. ➡To my own deep-seated biases and knee jerk reactions.
While there has been an immeasurable amount of frustration, anger and pain that cannot be undone overnight, I hope that the current events can serve as a turning point for the members of our society who continue wearing their safety goggles of privilege and remain blind to the realities of "living while black" in America.
I hope, now that they've seen, they won't be able to unsee.
“Neither love nor terror makes one blind: indifference makes one blind.” ― James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk
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