“Comparison is the fast track to unhappiness.” — Jack Canfield
Yesterday during a coaching call my client was talking about how she recently started ordering a bottle of S.Pellegrino, instead of wine, whenever she goes out to eat.
She never used to because, even though she really enjoys S.Pellegrino, she thought it was "too expensive".
However she did used to order 1-2 glasses of wine almost every time she ate out.
A bottle of S.Pellegrino = $10*
A glass of wine = $15-20*
*NYC prices
So if she was willing to pay up to $40 total for wine, was the $10 Pellegrino really "too expensive"?
Compared to free tap water...Yes.
Compared to 2 glasses of wine...No.
But what if we are talking about calories?
A bottle of S.Pellegrino = 0 calories
A 5oz glass of wine = 120 calories
Clearly the wine is more (calorie) expensive now.
But what if we compare that same glass of wine to a slice of cheesecake?
A 5 oz glass of wine = 120 calories
A slice of Cheesecake Factory original cheesecake = 830 calories
Is the wine still "calorie expensive"? 🤔
Now, you might be thinking, "but comparing a glass of wine to a slice of cheesecake doesn't make sense. They are two totally different things."
To which I would reply, "exactly".
When we make statements like:
❌ I'm too old
❌ I have too much cellulite
❌ I'm not thin enough
❌ I'm not pretty enough
❌ I'm not ____ enough
Who are we comparing ourselves to?
➡ An Instagram influencer whose job it is to master the right angle and lighting
➡ An actress who has a trainer, a chef, a housekeeper and a nanny on staff
➡ A friend or neighbor who has a completely different set of genes than you
➡ A younger version of yourself that had less responsibilities and lived under totally different circumstances
➡ A stranger on the internet whose life you actually know nothing about but that you've made assumptions about based on what they carefully choose to post
Does any of that make sense?
It's funny how our minds gravitate towards comparing our "worst" to someone else's "best". 🙄
But it's not funny how doing so usually leads to feelings of shame, inadequacy, failure and self-doubt.
👉 Do you find yourself stuck in comparison mode?
Do you qualify your job, your body or your weight loss progress against someone else's?
If so, does that motivate you to do more or better?
👉 Or does it leave you feeling pretty crappy?
If you are like most of the struggling dieters I work with, I'm guessing it's the latter.
So, if it doesn't make you feel good AND it doesn't help motivate you towards the changes you want for your life...maybe it would be a good idea to stop doing it? 🤷🏼♀️
The Inner Work pillar in my 4 pillar weight loss method is all about learning how to shift your perspective, to question your habitual thoughts and to reframe the ones that cause suffering.
My client used to see the Pellegrino as expensive, UNTIL her context for comparison changed (calories vs dollars).
Now ordering the Pellegrino is a savings.
The price of the Pellegrino never changed, her perspective did.
We don't need other people to gain weight, go bankrupt or have a failed marriage in order to feel good about our own progress.
We just need to work on shifting our perspective.
The next time you find yourself in comparison mode, ask yourself:
👉 Who/what am I comparing myself/this to? 👉 Is that comparison fair/logical? 👉 How does it make me feel? 👉 What thought/comparison would be more useful? Because, you can see someone else's success and feel inspired instead of envious. You can admire another woman's beauty without diminishing your own. And, you can aspire to be more while also recognizing all that you already are.
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