"The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs." — Joan Didion
I saw this quote on social media the other day and while the context was about the relationships we have with OTHERS, I thought to myself, "this applies so well to the relationship we have with OURSELVES".
There is a common misconception that self-love means that you must love yourself exactly as you are, no matter what, and that you should never want to, or need to, change.
But what people often don't realize is that there is a major difference between accepting your perceived flaws and tolerating your toxic traits.
Your perceived flaws are the things your brain tricks you into thinking are what make you "less than" or "not good enough".
Things like the size of your waist, your "bushy" eyebrows, or your "flabby" arms.
Your toxic traits are the things your brain tricks you into thinking are "just the way you've always been" and that there's "nothing you can do" to change them.
They are the genuinely unhealthy thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that keep you from living the happy, healthy and fulfilled life you deserve.
And in action they look like:
Not being honest with yourself
Accepting your own excuses
Blaming others and playing the victim
Settling for less than you deserve
Not honoring your commitments to yourself
Giving away your personal power
Tolerating the above in the name of "self-love" ISN'T self-love.
It's self-delusion.
Because loving yourself means really looking at yourself,
Openly and objectively.
It's asking yourself tough questions, calling yourself out on your own bulls*** and...
...not pretending that you're perfect.
Because you can love yourself while also acknowledging that there are parts of yourself that are in need of growth.
Self-love isn't about RESISTING change,
It's about owning and celebrating the fact that you have the POWER to change,
And then using that power to create a life that honors your worth and supports your physical, mental and emotional well-being.
So, if you were to act from a place of REAL self-love,
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