"Your life doesn't get better by chance, it gets better by change." — Jim Rohn
Recently a new client was expressing frustration over an unhealthy habit that she hasn't been able to break. "I keep snacking in the mornings...I know I'm not hungry, but I just can't seem to stop." Does this situation sound familiar? Many women come to me saying things like: ➡ "I know I need to drink less." ➡ Or, "I know I need to eat less sweets" ➡ Or, "I know I need to stop staying up so late." They KNOW that a habit isn't serving them, yet they can't seem to find long term success with breaking it. Why is that? 🤔 👉 Most often it's because they are trying to just REMOVE the habit, without 1) Identifying what purpose it was serving to begin with.
Every behavior is there for a reason — You don't binge on cookies "just because". 🤷🏼♀️ And/Or
2) Replacing it with something else.
Just like energy cannot be created or destroyed, only converted to a different form — habits cannot simply be deleted but instead must be REPLACED with new habits. And when they go this route, they usually see success in the short term. But eventually the stress of white knuckling their way to healthier habits catches up to them and they throw in the towel... Reverting to their old ways or sometimes even worse. So, if you've found yourself in a similar situation, And you've tried to just "quit" snacking or boozing (hello Dryuary...) only to find yourself 5 mimosas deep at your first February brunch outing, then
👉 Follow these 3 steps to break the self-destructive habits that are standing in the way of your success:
#1 Notice and Name:
The first step in changing unhealthy habits is to notice when they are happening, because if we aren't AWARE of a pattern, we can't do anything to change it.
Noticing doesn't mean criticising or shaming yourself. It simply means getting in the habit of paying attention and calling out a behavior by name when it's happening.
The important part of this step is the separation between yourself and the behavior.
It's the difference between saying, "Well...look at that, I'm doubting myself again" versus "I'M SO INSECURE AND WEAK!"
#2 Forgive and Figure Out:
Oops...you did it again. It's ok, you're human. Showing yourself compassion strengthens your ability to learn from your mistakes and ultimately be more resourceful when facing future obstacles.
Rather than beating yourself up for something that already happened, move your attention towards figuring out what's driving this behavior so that you can come up with potential solutions.
#3 Do Something Different:
Awareness isn't enough to create change — there needs to be action.
Look for ways to replace old patterns with new ones that are more aligned with your goals and the kind of life you want to live.
For example, if you want to stop drinking wine in the evening, you could try:
🍇 Drinking something else, like herbal tea
📚 Reading a book
🚶♀️ Going for a walk
🧩 Doing a puzzle
Don't stress about finding the "perfect" replacement habit, just try something different than what you normally do. Be patient and treat it as an experiment until you find a healthier habit that works for you.
Each of these steps can happen over the course of seconds, minutes, hours, days or even months.
In the beginning, you may focus the majority of your efforts on simply noticing and naming your patterns.
Then, you may need to work on strengthening your self-compassion muscles.
And finally, it may take some trial and error until you find the "right fit" for a new behavior that supports your goals and the vision you have for your life.
But as your self-awareness grows and your habit building skills improve, you'll be able to notice your patterns more easily and move yourself towards new behaviors faster, until you're able to make those shifts in the moment.
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