"Tears come from the heart and not from the brain."
― Leonardo da Vinci
The Coronavirus pandemic has led to the cancellation of countless events, many of which have impacted my family, friends and clients.
Holly was supposed to go to Coachella.
Robin was supposed to premier a movie she produced.
Fred was supposed to fight at Madison Square Garden.
Beth was supposed to run a 90k race in South Africa.
Maggie was supposed to umpire at the Tokyo Olympic Games.
I could go on and on.
Pretty much everything has been cancelled and it's ok to feel sad about that.
Recently I've posted on my social media about managing negative emotions during this stressful time as well expressing gratitude for what you DO have right now.
And while I think it's important to maintain a positive perspective, I think it’s also important to allow ourselves to mourn the things we've lost as a result of this pandemic.
It is completely valid to feel upset, disappointed and sad.
It is also completely valid to feel conflicted about these feelings.
"How can I be upset about a concert being cancelled when people are dying? I must be a selfish, insensitive prick."
Is that true?
Or is it possible to hold two emotions at the same time?
Can we be disappointed that something we've looked forward to for so long isn't happening AND support that thing being cancelled?
Can we express fear over lost income AND express gratitude for our health and safety?
Can we mourn our loses AND be aware that they pale in comparison to others?
Can we feel personal disappointment AND global empathy at the same time?
Can we be sad without feeling guilty about it?
Yes.
And I am giving you permission to do so.
Because resisting our negative emotions, or judging them harshly, can leave us feeling even more psychologically stressed than allowing them to run their course.
A UC Berkeley study showed that people who embrace sadness report fewer mood-disorder symptoms than those who resist it.
Basically, feeling bad about feeling bad just makes us feel worse, but accepting negative emotions without trying to change them allows us to cope more successfully.
People are dying. The situation is scary and uncertain.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't care.
However, there is no value in pretending that we ONLY care about the preservation of our species.
It is profoundly human to care about SO MUCH MORE. There is an infinite spectrum of emotions for us to feel.
So, it's okay to feel however you are feeling about this situation.
Because you can feel your feelings AND still be a responsible, considerate and helpful member of society.
You can be frustrated and still wash your hands. You can be disappointed and still social distance. You can be scared and still support your local small businesses. You can be angry and still donate to your favorite charity. You can be sad and still call an elderly neighbor to check in.
You can feel however you want to feel and still take this situation seriously.
Make space for the negative emotion. It's real and it's valid. Let yourself feel it.
But while it's running its course, ask yourself "What else can I feel at the same time?"
Can you feel empathy? Can you feel peace? Can you feel happiness? Can you feel gratitude?
How can you make space for contrasting emotions and respond to them in a thoughtful and productive way?
And how can you take care of yourself and others in the process?
Note: The CDC has some great resources for managing stress and supporting your mental health right now.
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