“Contradictions are on the surface, the symbols of deeper and more fertile forces that can unleash the most marvelous energy when they are embraced..” — Alfred Kazin
Yesterday during a coaching call, my client Holly referenced watching television as a "guilty pleasure".
Now, I've written previously HERE and HERE about the danger of assigning moral value to food choices. And this is a conversation that can be broadened to include things like the type of television you watch, books you read or music you listen to.
But instead of following that path, today I'm going to use this idea of "guilty pleasures" to discuss the power of conflict and the paradoxical mindset.
A paradoxical mindset is an individual's ability to hold opposing attitudes, desires and motivations, while moving effortlessly between them as circumstances demand.
In the case of my client Holly, it's being a successful and ambitious attorney AND being someone that enjoys watching "trashy" TV.
Most of us are dealing with similar dichotomies, it's part of being human.
But most of us are also ashamed to expose them.
Because these contradictions usually come with pretty loaded labels.
The ambitious attorney Holly = "good"
The trashy TV watching Holly = "bad".
In the health and fitness world, we are advised to get rid of the "bad" version of ourselves (at all costs!) so that we can live fully in the "good" version...and then revel in the "happily ever after" that comes along with it...right?
Just ask any bootcamp instructor while he's doling out burpees with a megaphone and a stopwatch and he'll tell you...
You can be tough OR you can be weak.
Make your choice.
👉 Successful OR lazy.
👉 Happy OR sad.
👉 Focused OR distracted.
👉 Confident OR insecure.
We try so hard to make ourselves fit into the "good" labels.
Only to be disappointed and ashamed for never quite getting it right.
For not being "perfect"
For continuing to have "vices".
But humans are complex and the more we learn to embrace our contradictions, the more we increase self-acceptance, lessen our resistance to change and open ourselves up to happiness.
And research supports that people who learn to embrace, rather than reject, opposing demands show greater creativity, flexibility and productivity.
📢 By acknowledging our personal paradoxes we can shift from a limited "either/or" mindset to a limitless "both/and" mindset.
👉 You can want to lose weight AND be body positive.
👉 You can be kind with yourself AND hold yourself accountable.
👉 You can forgive yourself AND feel remorse.
And from over 10 years of coaching, I can attest to the fact that accepting our inner contradictions is essential for success.
Learning how to accept both sides of yourself and seeing what kind of wonderful things can be cultivated from them is the key to long term health and sustainable weight loss.
I fully embrace my contradictions and I attribute the majority of my success and happiness to my ability to flow between them with ease.
➡ I love structure and I love flexibility.
➡ I am strong and I am vulnerable.
➡ I see my work as important and valuable and I don't take myself too seriously.
➡ I'm a logical thinker and a believer in spiritual "woo woo" stuff.
➡ I am generous and I hold boundaries.
➡ I eat a ton of vegetables and I enjoy Peeps during Easter.
➡ I watch foreign films and my favorite movie is Wayne's World.
➡ I lift weights and I use a hula hoop.
➡ I keep an alphabetized list for my favorite karaoke songs and I'm not 100% sure where my passport is right now... 🤷🏼♀️
Stop trying to neatly fit into a limited framework of who you "should" be.
And stop being ashamed for not checking off every single box of what you "should" or "shouldn't" do/like/think/want based on your career, your age, your gender, or your culture.
Be unapologetically YOU.
"Guilty pleasures" and all.
Embrace all the versions of yourself.
And instead of asking which versions of yourself you need to be MORE of and which you need to be LESS of,
📢 Start asking yourself "WHEN do I need to be each of these versions?"
👉 When do you need to be gentle?
👉 When do you need to be stern?
👉 When do you need to stand your ground?
👉 When do you need to compromise?
👉 When do you need to work?
👉 When do you need to play?
Your contradictions are the key to your success.
What contradictions do you hold in your thoughts, actions or desires?
Comment below to let me know!
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