“The Golden Rule of Habit Change: You can't extinguish a bad habit, you can only change it.” ― Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit
Have you ever played Jenga?
If you're not familiar with the game, check out an impressive performance HERE.
If you have played before then you know that winning requires a combination of critical thinking, manual dexterity and patience.
A steady hand is worthless if you lack a basic understanding of structural engineering.
If you've played enough times (like myself 🤓) you may be aware of some top strategies for success.
1. Test the tower before each move. Before you decide which block you want to remove, test the tower by gently tapping blocks with your fingers to find the ones that can easily be removed.
2. Go for the center blocks first. Removing blocks from the sides of the tower is riskier than eliminating blocks from the center because, science.
Whenever I play there's always that one friend who throws caution to the wind by going for the really stuck pieces first or jerking the blocks out of place.
No matter how many people warm him, "No! Don't take that piece!", he goes for it anyway.
And inevitably, the tower comes crashing down.
How that reckless friend plays Jenga is very much like the way most people attempt habit change.
Not testing the stability of the tower first.
Going straight for the most stuck pieces.
Using force and going at full speed.
And we all know how that game is going to end...with a pile of blocks on your living room floor.
But what if we used those same strategies for dominating a game of Jenga to help us win at habit change as well?
1. Test the tower before each move.
Before you attempt changing behavior, check the stability of your "tower". Is it already teetering?
Maybe you need to put the pieces back in the box and start a new game with a solid foundation.
➡ You can do this by building up your social support, changing your environment and/or getting a coach.
2. Go for the center blocks first.
Those center blocks are easy, almost too easy to take out.
Starting with habits that are easiest to change isn't necessarily impressive― which is why our friend always goes for those sticky side blocks―but attacking these first will build confidence.
➡ While you work on the "small stuff" you'll be gaining skills and knowledge that will allow you to eventually tackle those stuck blocks.
But wait!
We all know that in the game of Jenga the tower WILL fall at some point.
We can't just go on removing "habit blocks" if we want to maintain a long lasting and stable tower.
One day all those holes we've created in the foundation will catch up with us, and things will come crashing down.
Therefore, sustainable habit change is less like playing a game of Jenga and more like swapping out your Jenga blocks for an entirely new set, one piece at a time.
Rather than trying to remove bad habits, we need to focus our efforts on replacing them.
But before we can do any of that, we need to identify what purpose these habits are serving in the first place.
Remember how the most stuck blocks are the most risky to remove (because science)?
Those blocks are serving an important role in supporting the structure of the tower.
Just like our most stuck habits are serving an important role in keeping our "tower" together.
Every habit, "good" or "bad", is serving a purpose.
And identifying that purpose is the first step towards sustainable habit change.
Think of a current habit you'd like to change.
Then ask yourself, what "reward" do I get from doing this habit?
Maybe it's a feeling of comfort, relaxation, or joy.
Maybe it gives you a mental break from work.
Maybe it keeps you from dealing with an uncomfortable feeling or thought.
Once you've identified what the habit is doing for you, you can move on to finding a new habit to replace it.
Keep our Jenga tower in mind. If we want to maintain a solid stable tower, we need to exchange blocks for ones of the same size and shape. This is the same for our habit swaps. They need to provide the same type of "reward" as the original habit.
⬇ Check the worksheet below for examples ⬇
We need to carefully slide the old "habit blocks" out, while simultaneously replacing them with new ones, causing as little disturbance to the tower as possible.
Yes, sometimes our hands will shake and the tower will teeter―which is why it's important to go slowly and be patient.
The tower may even fall every once in awhile.
But if it does, the next time you rebuild it you'll be working with a mixture of old AND new pieces with the ratio between the two gradually changing over time.
Want to work on swapping out some of your "bad habit blocks" for healthier new ones?
Download the above worksheet HERE and get to work on building yourself a new tower.
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