“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson.
“When I have more time, I'll start writing.”
“When I have more money, I'll start saving.”
“When I have more energy, I'll start exercising.”
How often have you said one of the above statements, or something similar, to yourself?
This approach is sometimes referred to as “Be to Do”. As in, “I (or my circumstances) need to be X before I can do Y.”
In some cases the “Be to Do” mindset is logical, but more often than not it keeps us from taking action. Very rarely are we (or our circumstances) “perfect” and often our definition of “perfect” continues to shift in a way that allows us to delay starting indefinitely.
I've written before about how the fear of imperfection keeps us from taking action and how taking action, no matter how imperfect, is the only sure path towards success.
However, consistent action (via daily, weekly or monthly habits) is only one part of the equation.
We can change our habits all we want, but until we change the beliefs we hold about ourselves we will continue to fight a losing battle.
Change will not happen unless we believe it can happen, unless we believe it is happening.
“I’m journaling for 10 minutes a day, but that doesn’t make me a writer. I’ll never have enough time for a real writing practice.”
“I’m making my own coffee to save money, but it isn’t doing much. I’m going to be in debt forever.”
“I’m going to spin class twice a week, but I have to drag myself to get there. I'm always exhausted.”
How often have you said one of the above statements, or something similar, to yourself? And as a result, how often have you abandoned a goal because your new habits didn’t align with your self beliefs?
If you want to achieve your goals you must take consistent action, but you also must think of yourself as being in the process of becoming the person you want to be.
You must believe in your capacity to change.
The opposite of the “Be to Do” mindset is “Do to Be”. As in, “I am going to do X in order to be Y.”
“I’m going to start journaling for 10 minutes a day. It's my first step towards becoming a writer."
“I’m going to make my own coffee and put the money I save towards debt, in order to become a more financially stable person.”
“I’m going to take spin class twice a week so that I can be a fit, healthy person.”
To apply the “Do to Be” approach towards habits that conflict with your current self image, you must also believe that change is possible.
If you identify as someone who is tidy, washing the dishes every night does not feel like a challenging habit to take on. "I'm going to wash the dishes because I am a tidy person." But if you identify as someone who is messy, this habit can feel like a huge struggle as it goes directly against your self beliefs. "I'll wash the dishes, but I'm always going to be a messy person at heart." For real lasting change, It is not enough for the messy person to wash the dishes every night. They must also believe that through washing the dishes they are on their way to becoming a tidy person and that being "messy" is not a fixed character trait. "Washing the dishes is a habit that will help me become a tidy person."
So how do we shift not only our actions, but also our mindset to support the changes we want to make?
By getting creative.
Imagine a future version of yourself where you’ve already accomplished your goal. Get really detailed in your vision. Imagine what a typical day might look like, your environment (physical, social and mental) and how you feel after accomplishing this goal.
How are your daily habits different in the future version of yourself than they are today?
How are your thoughts and beliefs different in the future version of yourself than they are today?
By connecting with this future vision, you are connecting with your capacity to change.
You are also revealing the steps that are necessary to make this vision a reality by identifying what that future version of yourself does and thinks that is different than what you currently do.
We become the person we want to be by doing the things that person would do AND thinking the way that person would think.
Comparing your vision to today, will your current actions and beliefs carry you to your desired future?
If not, how can you act like AND think like the person you want to become?
How can you “Do to Be”?
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