"Human beings invent just as many ways to sabotage their lives as to improve them." — Mark Goulston
If you are a woman who has struggled to reach or maintain a healthy weight for more than a year, then chances are you are stuck in the "Self Sabotage Cycle".
In short, we are stuck in the "Self Sabotage Cycle" when we continue to say we want something but then go about making sure that thing never happens by engaging in behaviors that don't align with our intentions.
For example, You may say that you want to lose weight...but then you eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's instead of that fresh fruit you bought to have as a healthy snack. So...what's up with that?! 🤔 Is it because you're "weak", "have no willpower", or are surrounded by "bad influences"? Probably not. What's most likely going on is that you are benefiting by staying stuck in this cycle and NOT solving the problem. Now, you might be thinking "how could I possibly be benefitting from engaging in behaviors that I KNOW are not helpful and cause me pain?" Well, the benefit is not always obvious and you may need to dig deep to find it, but if you continue to engage in behaviors that conflict with your goals and values, then there IS an underlying reason for doing so. This is what is known in psychology as a "secondary gain".
A primary gain is one we're conscious of while a secondary gain is one that is generally unconscious.
So, let's say you tell yourself that you are going to cut back on alcohol so that you can lose weight. A secondary gain of choosing another glass of wine instead of water is that you get to avoid the uncomfortable feelings of being the only person at the party who isn't drinking. Or, maybe you tell yourself that once you lose weight, then you'll start dating. A secondary gain of choosing Ben and Jerry's over a bowl of fruit is that you can continue to delay dating, which keeps you from...being vulnerable with another person, getting rejected or having your feelings hurt. If any of this is hitting close to home, know that there isn't anything wrong with you. This is a totally normal (although misguided) attempt by your brain to keep you safe. Because, as much as we say we want change...change is uncomfortable. It’s scary. It's uncertain. And it requires us to go outside of our comfort zones. Like the expression “better the devil you know than the devil you don't”, It's easier, safer and more comfortable to stay stuck in our KNOWN discomfort, than to expose ourselves to the UNKNOWN discomfort of change. But if you DO want to get unstuck, then you'll need to identify your secondary gains so that you can put an end to your self-sabotaging behaviors. In order to do so, try honestly answering these two questions: 1) If you woke up tomorrow morning and the change that you want to make had magically been made, what would you miss? (Keep in mind that you might miss both positive and negative experiences.) 2) If you never made this change, what would you get to keep? (Consider all the things, positive and negative, you would continue to experience if you didn’t change.) And if you're ready to break free from the "Self Sabotage Cycle" for good so that you can finally feel comfortable and confident in your body, Then make sure to get on the waitlist for my brand new 6-week group coaching program "The Empowered Eating Blueprint" which will be launching in late August/Early September (exact date TBD). Since this is the first time I'm running this program, I'm offering it at a ridiculously low price BUT spots will be limited. Putting your name on the waiting is NOT a commitment to join, but it does mean that you'll be among the first to get notified once enrollment opens.
Join the waitlist HERE.
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